SUPER CITY? OR SUPER MESS?
Your water bill is about to become its own celebrity.
Separate. Independent.
Free from rates.
Like a teenager moving out of home…
but still sending you the bill.
Short answer: No. Don’t be ridiculous.
Long answer:
Councils don’t suddenly lose costs and go “oh well, let’s charge less.”
What actually happens:
• Water costs move off the rates bill
• They reappear as a new, shiny standalone charge
• Rates might flatten slightly…
• But overall? You pay more, not less
Because:
• The infrastructure still needs fixing
• The debt still exists
• The spending is actually increasing massively
So instead of:
One painful bill - You now get:
Two painful bills - With better branding
This isn’t about saving you money.
It’s about visibility and control of revenue.
Separating water does three things:
1. Makes price increases easier to justify
(“It’s not rates going up… it’s water!”)
2. Creates a scalable billing model
(Meters, usage charges, future increases)
3. Shifts political heat
Councils step back → new entity takes the blame
Media already told you:
• Decades of underinvestment
• Massive pipe failures
• Billions needed
So the question isn’t:
“Will it be cheaper?”
It’s:
“How fast and how hard does the bill hit?”
If water is separated:
• It becomes a utility, not a service
• And utilities don’t go down in price
• Ever
Will separating water from rates reduce your rates bill?
Technically: maybe a little.
Financially: irrelevant.
Reality: you’ll pay more overall.
Same pipes.
Same problems.
Now with two invoices and a logo change.
As ANZAC Day approaches, the Eastbourne community is invited to take part in two important commemorations supporting remembrance and service.
Poppy Day – Friday 17 April
Poppy Day will be held from 9:00am to 12:00 noon. Volunteers are sought to assist with street collections in support of the RSA Welfare Trust Fund,
which provides essential assistance to veterans and their families.
If you are able to contribute an hour or two, your support would be greatly appreciated.
ANZAC Day – Saturday 25 April
The Eastbourne ANZAC Day Commemoration will proceed as follows:
• 9:30am – Assemble at Ballinger Gardens for the march
• March to the Memorial Gates, Muritai School
• 10:00am – Commemoration Service begins
• Morning tea to follow at the ESSC clubrooms, Tuatoru Street
This is a time for reflection, respect, and community. All are warmly encouraged to attend.
Note: Make Eastbourne Great Again (MEGA) is providing and sponsoring the sound system for this year’s ANZAC Day service.
Picture it.
A farmer grows the food. Tends it, harvests it, sells it for 60 cents.
By the time it comes back to you—processed, packaged, branded—it’s $5.79 and possibly jet-lagged.
And in between?
A disappearing act.
Because while the crops are still here, the factories are quietly dying. Lights off. Gates shut. “Restructuring.” “Optimisation.” Corporate for: we’re out.
So who made that call?
Not the farmer.
Not the town losing jobs.
Not the country that built an entire identity on producing world-class food.
No—this one comes from somewhere higher up the food chain.
Boardrooms. Strategy decks. People who couldn’t find a paddock with Google Maps and a helicopter.
They’ve looked at New Zealand and decided we’re perfect… for the low-margin bit.
Grow it. Ship it. Step aside.
And where’s the cavalry? The usual crowd who march for lentils and morally superior salads?
Gone.
Missing in action. Possibly still drafting a strongly worded Instagram post.
Because this isn’t a cute cause. It’s not a farmers’ market with acoustic guitar. It’s real supply chains collapsing in slow motion.
And the decision-makers?
Nowhere you can point at.
Not elected. Not fronting up. Not explaining why a country that can grow anything apparently can’t be trusted to finish the job.
It’s almost impressive.
We’ve managed to turn food production into a national outsourcing experiment. Growers squeezed. Capability gutted. Value exported. Then we buy it back like it’s a luxury import.
Brilliant.
Soon we’ll be proudly telling tourists:
“Yes, we grow it here… then send it away so we can afford it later.”
MEGA verdict:
New Zealand isn’t failing at food.
It’s being quietly managed out of its own kitchen.
MEGA verdict:
Great—we’ve uncorked the bottle. Now open the rest of the country.
MEGA LIFESTYLE
THE EASTBOURNE FOCUS CRISIS
Eastbourne has always been a place for quiet thinking. The issue now is nobody can remember what they were thinking about.
Apparently, our focus is collapsing thanks to screens, scrolling, and modern life. Experts suggest reading books, sleeping better, and avoiding distractions. In other words—stop doing everything we currently do.
Sit in any local café and you’ll see it in action. Conversations start strong, drift, then disappear entirely. Someone checks a phone. Someone else stares at the sea. Nobody finishes a sentence.
Ironically, Eastbourne’s seniors are ahead of the game. They already read print, avoid tech, nap strategically, and repeat stories like a built-in memory system. Meanwhile, everyone else is juggling screens and wondering why nothing sticks.
The real problem isn’t age. It’s constant interruption. The brain never gets to the end of a thought before something else barges in.
So now we’re told to slow down and focus again.
In Eastbourne, that means sitting by the harbour, thinking deeply… and immediately forgetting why.
WHEN THE DOG BITES… BUT STILL GETS A TREAT
New Zealand has a dog problem. Thousands of bites a year, a steady stream of “he’s never done that before,” and a national belief that every incident is a one-off miracle.
Then there’s Eastbourne—where dogs aren’t pets, they’re practically residents with voting rights. We’ve got doggy daycare, beach walks, social circles, and more emotional support animals than emotional support.
And yet… still biting.
Here’s the brilliance of it.
Dogs guide the blind, run farms, help police, and generally behave like overachieving citizens. Puppies are walking happiness grenades—children see one and instantly forget every safety rule ever taught.
Meanwhile, owners deliver the classic line:
“He’s very friendly.”
This is usually said while the dog is mid-launch, mid-sniff, or mid-decision about whether your ankle is a snack.
But none of it sticks.
Because dogs get away with everything. Jump on strangers? Adorable. Ignore commands? Independent thinker. Bite someone? Complex situation.
If humans behaved like that, we’d be in court. Dogs do it and get a biscuit.
That’s the deal.
Dogs are loyal, brilliant, slightly unhinged… and absolutely untouchable in Eastbourne.
All good—
as long as you pick up the shit in your plastic bag.
Gone.
After eight years of doing absolutely nothing, Eastbourne’s historic police cell has finally escaped—without ever holding a single prisoner.
This wasn’t junk. It had original doors, real history, and the makings of a proper seaside attraction. A sign, a story board, a bit of effort—and done.
Instead?
Park it in Williams Park.
Talk about it.
Ignore it.
Murray Gibbons championed it. The Eastbourne Community Board—of which he was part—achieved the rare feat of collective inaction at Olympic level.
The result: an “eyesore” nobody wanted… until it was leaving.
Now it’s off to Turakina—where sheep, cows and magpies will presumably make faster decisions.
Common sense has prevailed.
Eastbourne’s contribution?
Losing a jail…
without ever locking anything in it.
According to Wayne Brown, Auckland is basically perfect—just unfairly criticised by Wellington and occasionally interrupted by floating toilet paper.
Right.
This is a city where traffic is a daily hostage situation, pipes explode like it’s a feature, and planning documents are rewritten so often they should come with version numbers and a therapist.
But none of that matters. Because in Brown’s world, Auckland isn’t flawed—it’s fabulous. The problems are elsewhere. Preferably 600km south.
It’s leadership by deodorant: spray hard, ignore the smell.
Auckland isn’t one land fart away from perfect.
It is the land fart—just aggressively marketed as fresh air.
urns out asking a simple question hits a nerve.
“Where’s The Plan, Days Bay?” has officially gone viral-ish — smashing past 12,000 views on YouTube and climbing.
Not bad for a song about… a missing plan.
Seems a few people beyond the bay are also wondering how a major coastal project can appear without actually appearing on paper.
So if you’ve missed it, here it is — the anthem for every ratepayer staring at cones, kerbs, and confusion:
“Where’s The Plan, Days Bay?”
Press play. Then maybe ask the same question.
Chef Gordon Ramswine
The pig with a palate sharper than his tongue. Known for turning slop into haute cuisine and never holding back on a fiery snort of criticism, Ramswine runs the kitchen like a battlefield. His signature dishes? Swine-dine perfection, seasoned with equal parts brilliance and barnyard bite.
Each month he delivers a new and original offering for you to try. If you like the dish then please let us know.
Gordon Ramswine’s
MEGA APRIL RECIPE
By Chef Gordon Ramswine
Black Garlic Coconut Rice with Crispy Chilli Oil Crunch
MEGA April 2026 Our Asian Surprise.
What it is:
Creamy coconut rice meets deep umami black garlic, lifted with lime and smashed herbs — then wrecked (in a good way) with a hot, crunchy chilli oil topping. It sits somewhere between Thai, Japanese, and “what just happened?”
Meet Stuffed.Kiwi — where our music lives, our videos escape to, and original Stuffed Kiwi productions do their thing.
No messaging. No meaning. Just fun.
We’re not a political party—just a bunch of locals with a low tolerance for waffle and a high tolerance for mischief. MEGA is part neighbourhood fix-it crew, part satire squad, and part spontaneous parade.
No jargon. No committees. Just Eastbourne, steering its own ship—with a kazoo in one hand and a to-do list in the other.
For the full MEGA experience, visit our website on something bigger than your phone.
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